Seeking Joy
This is a lighter approach to joy than the one earlier this week. While it is valuable to be aware of the distinction between joy and happiness, we need to make time in life for a lighter approach to, well, life. This is the type of joy that we will be talking about seeking today.
It's easy to race through life from task to appointment to obligation so quickly that we forget to slow down, stop, and look for the joy around us. We put off joy until it's more convenient. Or we think that joy is waiting to be discovered in some grand adventure, fabulous vacation, or exotic location. But this just leads to stress, unhappiness, and discontent.
Instead, we need to make seeking joy a regular practice. Make room for joy this season and every season. If you have a child, engage with them and discover what's making them laugh and enjoy it with them. My son's current favorite giggle song is "Boom Chika Boom Christmas", especially the end. It is pretty funny.
A friend and I will joke about Forced Family Fun, but if you have teenagers, that may be something that is a real part of your family. Game nights playing crazy games can bring joy, unless competitiveness is an issue, of course. Or maybe that makes the game that much more exciting. If there's a game that one of your family members enjoys, spend some time learning and playing that game.
If you need some alone time in seeking joy, go for a walk, or spend some time outside if it's not too cold. If that doesn't work for you, brew a cup of coffee or tea and settle into a chair with a favorite book. Or engage in a hobby you enjoy.
These are all simple things, yet the more we seek joy in these small things, the easier it will be to find joy each day. If at all possible this season, find a way to share joy with another. Give away joy through a smile or kind word. Share in joy through a child's laughter or another's smile. Seeking and sharing joy is never a waster endeavor.
Exposure to Light
“The light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light... ”
We are a week away from Christmas day. This simple statement is enough to strike fear into any person that still has plans to complete, gifts to finish, and shopping to do. It can also send a thrill through anyone that loves that last minute pressure.
As we reach this last week, we also mark a major milestone in our annual progression around the sun: the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere and the longest day in the Southern Hemisphere. Being in the Northern Hemisphere, advent falls in that time of waiting for the light to return. We seek the light of hope, peace, joy, and love.
John 3:16 is a familiar and oft-quoted passage. However, continuing to read, it transitions to talk about the light that has come to the world. Jesus, when talking to Nicodemus in this passage, correlates lovers of the darkness with evil, which aligns with our instinct to fear the shadows. Light exposes the good and the bad. When there are things we don't want to acknowledge about ourselves, we tend to shy away from exposing those areas of ourselves to light.
Yet once we do expose those areas of darkness and embarrassment, it often isn't as bad as we built it up to be. One of the troubles with darkness is that it is isolating. This magnifies the belief that we are the only one with this problem, it is too big to ever be fixed, and no one could love us because of this struggle. I propose that this is false. When we decide to walk toward the light, we begin to expose ourselves to truth. The more we expose ourselves to truth, the easier it is to see the lies.
As we face down the darkness, look forward to the light. Find the parts of yourself - your beliefs or personality - that you keep hidden and secret, and expose them to the light. Discover what lies you believe, both those you tell yourself and those that are told to you. Expose the lies and seek the truth.
Close to Home
"In what ways could you meet a need around you this week?" is the reflection question from tonight's devotion in "Shadow and Light". And I didn't know how to answer it. I have been feeling pulled in so many directions this week even as the excitement of the season starts settling in. There are Christmas cards to finish, gifts to wrap, a Christmas program to prepare for, and a major trip to visit family where we leave in less than a week. How am I supposed to meet a need on top of this?
And then my son struggled with bedtime. Admittedly we have not been as consistent about bedtime the past 6 weeks or so as we had been. And he's been adjusting to being in daycare part time when previously he either stayed home or with my parents. On top of that, my husband has some deadlines he's trying to meet that have been fairly stressful and also require some overtime.
I realized I need to start at home. While we need to think outside of ourselves, our family, and our close friends, there are times when we need to take care of the people closest to us and meet their needs. My son needs some reassurance and some help navigating these big changes in his life. My husband needs some space to unwind and also time to connect with me. Right now, these are the needs I can meet.
So I stepped in to bedtime and helped my son work through his big emotions, which gave my husband time to breathe after the chaos and stress of his day. Yes, it meant that I didn't maybe get everything done I wanted to accomplish tonight. But it saved both my son and husband from frustration, which benefits them both and also benefits their future interactions.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and like you can't do one other thing this season, look closer to home. Find the needs in your home, family, or friends. Maybe it's as simple as spending that little bit of extra time to offer reassurance, or to step in for a short time to give someone else just a small bit of breathing room. Maybe it's sending a text to someone who's been on your mind to let them know that someone is thinking of them and they matter.
Finding Joy
While happiness and joy are two similar emotions, a significant distinction can be made between the two. Happiness is dependent on external circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is based on an inward determination. Joy does not require external circumstances to be just right, or for us to be feeling joyful or happy.
Even in the midst of a joyful time, one can feel heaviness and sadness at the brokenness of the world. There are times when that brokenness come crashing in, uninvited, to our most celebrated and sacred times. The hurts and agony of the world are too close to ignore.
“Before the joy of reconciliation with God is the pain of reconciliation with reality. Our unwillingness to expose ourselves to the latter is what barricades us against the former.”
In these times, I take refuge in the Psalms. This is, in my opinion, the most raw and emotionally charged book in the Bible. The Psalms are full of longing, regret, contrition, joy, peace, and exuberant praise. In these reflections, the writers are brutally honest with themselves about their broken condition and need for salvation.
In the book "Deeper Places", Matt Jacoby explores the emotion of the Psalms and correlates them to our daily walk. He states "The tragedy of finding oneself in a mirage becomes the beginning of an about-face that puts the Psalmist face-to-face with God. This is why we find some of the deepest expressions of joy in the Psalms coming from context of severe hardship."
The existence of sorrow and brokenness in our world does not preclude of from feeling joy. It is easy to feel guilt for having joy in the face of the deep sorrow around us. And it may not be appropriate to express exuberant joy in those circumstances. But we must find seasons of joy. The absence of joy can lead down the path of despair and all the dangers present there.
Seek joy and pursue it, not the mirage of a fleeting emotion.
Looking Forward
Note: As I continue to research Advent, I have found that, as with many traditions, there are small differences in how different groups mark each week. Tsh Oxenreider used Expectation, Preparation, Anticipation, and Gratitude. In addition, I have been referencing the themes of Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. Other groups celebrate Hope, Faith, Joy, Love, or Hope, Love, Joy, Peace.
This week begins our week of Anticipation and Joy. While anticipation and expectation are very similar, there is one key difference that people generally agree on. With expectation comes and attempt to control the outcome of a situation, and greater disappointment if the outcome doesn't turn out as expected. On the other hand, anticipation, is a more generalized excitement about what is to come without an attempt to control the outcome. Anticipation believes that whatever is coming is good without relying on a specific outcome to produce happiness.
I am beginning to feel the shift in myself as well, as we come closer to the completion of Advent and the celebration of Christmas. The preparations are finally well underway, and we are making progress on getting the last Christmas gifts taken care of. In the interest of managing expectations, I have bypassed trying to make any gifts this year, taking pressure off myself. This decision has been a good one for this year as it has allowed me to focus on other things that I am finding value in this year.
By focusing more on my anticipation of the season than on expectations I'm placing on myself, I'm finding that I am making more time to focus on family and friends. I also feel less frazzled going into this last week, knowing how busy it's going to be.
This week, how can you transition from expectation to anticipation. Find ways to share in the joy of the season and take time for the small moments.
Prepare and Adapt
As this week of preparation closes, the house is slowly becoming more holiday-ready. Tonight my son decorated the tree with our non-breakable ornaments and a bit of assistance. We also managed to get the advent wreath finally completed and opened the first two days. Instead of trying to open two boxes each day, we are going to extend the wreath through Christmastide.
While planning and preparation are important, sometimes knowing when to adapt can be just as valuable. Adaptation does not mean compromise. We can adapt to changing circumstances without compromising our values and morals.
Being willing to adapt tends to require a certain level of confidence in your knowledge and skills. It is more difficult to adapt when you aren't confident in your ability to continue to perform the necessary functions to complete the task. However, adaptability can bring peace, as can having a plan.
The possibility of our plans an preparations failing is no reason to bypass preparation. I find that lack of preparation leads to anxiety and stress due to the pressures of attempting to not only accomplish everything last minute, but also the added pressure of trying to remember what needs to be done and what you need to do it.
Many people travel over the holidays and we are no exception. The process of packing and getting out the door is so much more stressful if I haven't made a list of everything we need, and if I delay packing until the very last minute. Inevitably, something gets left behind, and you just hope that it was nothing too irreplaceable.
Imagine for a moment, Joseph and Mary. While she was very pregnant, they embarked on a journey to Bethlehem. Imagine trying to prepare for the journey, knowing you may give birth at any time. I'm sure Mary had made all sorts of plans and preparations for the birth, yet had to adapt to circumstances beyond her control. Instead of family being present at the birth, there were shepherds. Instead of the local village proclaiming the birth, it was angels.
As you make your preparations for the Christmas season and the New Year, be open to adapting. You might just find yourself in the midst of something amazing that you would have missed if everything went according to plan.
Peace, Be Still
One of the most enjoyable aspects of this Advent season thus far has been how much I have unplugged from the chaos of the world around me. I'm not paying as much attention to the news, or on my phone as much. Instead, I've spent time in my planner, figuring out what tasks I need to accomplish and actually accomplishing them For me, that brings a sense of peace.
I've also been spending a lot of time thinking about what I want to write each day and how I want to say it. This has been challenging on multiple levels: figuring out what to talk about, making sure I say things in a way that is understandable and kind, confronting the fact that many of these are areas in which I have failed. That last is the most challenging of all. It's not comfortable to confront the areas in which we've failed or fallen short. Yet that is the only way to grow.
It's been a good reminder to be selective about who and what I'm paying attention to. It's easy to become distracted by anything and everything. Productive Procrastination is a very real thing. I'm slowly learning to prioritize better, and then keep those in focus.
“I challenge you to start on a spiritual journey”
This has been a long journey and I do better some times than others. One area I want to improve is my spiritual life. As with other things, I do better some times than others. One thing I have been pursuing is deeper study of God's Word. While this may not apply to everyone, I highly recommend some sort of spiritual pursuit. It's important to reach outside ourselves in some way.
This year, I challenge you to embark on a journey of spiritual discovery. No one has reached the point of knowing all there is to know about God. If you're not sure about all of this, give it a chance. If you already on your journey, keep growing and keep deepening your relationship with God.
Sharing Peace
Much of our focus on preparation so far has been on the internal. Introspection is valuable for personal growth. Developing a plan to implement changes based on this introspection is key to actually making change. Yet it's easy to forget that one of the reasons for personal growth and development is to improve our interactions with the world around us.
As tonight's devotion in "Shadow & Light" highlighted, we don't live in a vacuum. The world becomes more interconnected and interdependent as time moves on. Yet the more interconnected we are, the more isolated we can become from those in closest physical proximity to us.
Tonight's devotion challenged me. The call to action was about connecting with neighbors and friends that are near rather than taking the easy out of giving money to charities. I do not feel capable of hospitality and opening my home. Part of the reason is that my home is my haven and my escape. It's also admittedly the last area I focus on when I am dealing with limited time and emotional capacity.
“Break bread - or takeout - over the table”
However, one of the calls of advent is to share with others. Last week was about sharing hope. This week is about sharing peace. We are products of our environment and shared experiences. What we sow in grievance we reap in strife. But when we make an effort to connect over a common interested or shared experience, it becomes more difficult to maintain "us vs. them".
We try to justify conflict by focusing on the evil when it's the innocent that are most affected, especially the children. Then they grow up knowing only grief, strife, and loss which carries the cycle ever forward. We must make a conscious decision to stop the cycle.
This year, I am challenging myself to get to know someone who is different from me and find common ground with them. I challenge you to do the same.
Comparison
I had all kinds of plans this year to be prepared and have everything ready to go before advent, starting fresh with a clean and decorated house. I had grand plans of having posts pretty much set ahead of time and just scheduled to publish on the day that they were supposed to go live. It should come as no surprise that none of that has happened.
Currently I'm sitting at my desk writing this post well into the evening of the day it's supposed to be published. There are still boxes of Christmas decor scattered across the house, the tree stands half decorated, and our mantle area is in a half-cleared state waiting for Christmas adornment. My child's Advent calendar is sitting waiting to be glued up, and will now be a half Advent, half Christmastide calendar. Our shepherd has managed to find a map to help him on his search, but has made no other appearances this year.
It is so tempting to compare this seeming chaos to the Instagram-worthy pictures online, the Pinterest Christmas recommendations, or the people who are posting daily vlogs for Vlogmas. It would be easy to view this Advent as a complete failure. But yet, we have done a devotional every day as a family. I have posted a blog 12 consecutive days. We have gotten the house clean enough to have friends over. I have Christmas gifts figured out for all but one or two people. And everything I need to do to prepare for our Christmas service at church is complete.
Please take heart from this glimpse of reality. Wherever you are right now, you can start, or keep going. There will never be a perfect time to start. So the best time to start is now.
Fleeting
The days are continuing to grow shorter, and the temperatures are ever colder as we enter the dark of winter. The speed at which the sun races through the sky reminds us that life is fleeting. Yet we become so focused on what is happening tomorrow that we forget to find peace in the moment.
Modern terms and practices like mindfulness and gratitude journaling attempt to encourage people to live more in the moment. These can be valuable parts of our daily lives to bring us back to the moment. We have no guarantee of tomorrow, so it becomes even more important to take time for gratitude and mindfulness.
“Take no thought for tomorrow...”
It is incredible the people can find peace in even the most horrific of circumstances. Like most things in life, I believe finding peace in the most difficult of circumstances requires practice, effort, and preparation. These are not words that most of us enjoy hearing. Yet the truth is that this mundane practice yields dividends in the future.
I will admit to being terrible at practicing in general, as my music teachers can all attest. Yet the benefits of practice are undeniable. So I am challenging myself to practice. And to be bad at things. This blog is an example of being bad at something and attempting to live in the moment.
I do not enjoy sharing my thoughts with others, and am not experienced at blogging. Yet I know, with practice, these things will become easier. And sharing my thoughts forces me to stop, slow down, and order them in a way that hopefully makes sense to others.
Join me in challenging yourself to practice. Focus on the moment. Mindfulness and meditation are two practices that are often associated with living in the moment. Otherwise select a hobby that you have been meaning to try and take 3 months to practice at improving your skill in that hobby. You may be amazed at the progress you make.